The expectations of moving in together with a partner seem exciting. It could bring you closer to each other, strengthen your emotional bond, and possibly lead to marriage.
To a lot of couples who are already in long term relationships, the idea of living together is appealing.
While we acknowledge the huge step you’re taking as a couple by deciding to move in together, if you aren’t prepared enough to live together, chances are that it could cause more harm than good to your relationship.
This preparation includes discussing with your partner, before moving in together, things that could present a challenge to your relationship and how to find your way around them.
As exciting as moving in with your partner seems, If you rush this decision, your partner might just turn out to be like that annoying roommate who you can’t stand.
Here are some of the things couples could discuss before moving in together.
Conversations to have before moving in together
1. HOUSEHOLD CHORES
Are both of you able to work together for your own collective benefit or is one partner going to leave everything to the other partner?
The ability of your partner and you to act as team players is tested when you move in together.
From living alone where you probably had only yourself to bother about, having another person whose hygiene might be different from yours may pose a challenge.
While living together with your partner, certain responsibilities, including chores have to be shared to the satisfaction of each partner.
It could be surprising when domestic chores become the cause of the argument between couples who live together.
That no one wants to move in with someone who’d be a burden to them, it becomes a problem when you are unable to agree on chores.
As a couple, you have to come up with a good system to sort these things out, and you also have to complement each other when it comes to household chores.
Each person should have a role to play; grocery shopping or taking out the trash. You may agree to take turns doing chores, and if there’s a chore you don’t like doing, you could talk to your partner about it.
When moving in together, a lot of space might be required to take in your personal belongings.
It might be a bigger apartment, or a smaller one according to size, and the space might not be enough for what you want to move in with.
Sharing this space may require some compromises in order to accommodate the other partner moving in.
Therefore, it is important to discuss the space you need in your new apartment before you move in together, perhaps if you need a personal workspace in your apartment or a private study to accommodate your large collections of books, these could be made known to your partner.
You might need to discuss it with your partner, so that they could make arrangements earlier on, to comfortably accommodate your belongings as you move in together.
Your partner might have certain rules, and you might think that their rules are too strict or that you have problems keeping up with them.
Moving in together, if either partner happens to have an issue with the rules of the other partner, or one partner has a hard time keeping to certain rules, you might have to talk about it, and if compromises are supposed to be made, they could be discussed earlier on.
It might also be helpful to communicate boundaries to your partner as politely as possible before you move in together, if either partner is still yet to discuss their boundaries.
Considering that both of you probably would have to pay only one rent, mortgage, or utility bills for the apartment, living together with a partner seems more economical, especially if the bills are going be shared between your partner and you.
But there could be a situation where one partner is financially dependent on the other, or when one partner makes the other to spend more than they are supposed to.
This might not be a problem for those who are able to take up the additional cost by their partners when living together, but it could be a problem for someone struggling to make ends meet, or someone who isn’t able to handle the additional cost.
Partners could get upset and argue with one another because of spending habits.
That someone depends on another person could be a precipitating factor for all sorts of abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical.
Therefore, talking about finances might be helpful, to prevent some of the problems that could come up concerning the finances of living together or even prepare them for the challenge if it’s inevitable.
You should also keep in mind that if you decide to move in together, you also might have to accommodate your partner’s guests.
This wouldn’t be that much of a problem if you were comfortable with their visitors, but assuming you had issues with any of them, it could be quite discomforting to you.
Your partner could have guests around who decide to stay and ruin the alone time that you and your partner are supposed have, or simply cause a nuisance to you.
Their guests could mount strain on you and your partner, and they might be a cause for arguments in your relationship.
Therefore, If you feel you would have a problem with any of their guest, then you may have to discuss it politely with your partner and find your way around it
Are there certain habits that you aren’t comfortable with?
Living together with your partner would reveal even more about them.
There are some things that you wouldn’t have noticed earlier on, or might have simply ignored that become more apparent when you move in together.
Maybe it’s their habit of giving you the silent treatment instead of communicating with you, or another habit you can’t stand that could turn out to be a problem or threaten your relationship with your partner.
Try to talk about it in a polite manner.
Also, you could have certain habits that they don’t like either too. You too should play your own part by trying to break the habit.
In addition to those habits you don’t like, talk about what you like about your partner and encourage them to continue those things when you move in together.
It could be a huge disappointment if you begin to feel bored after moving in together.
The reality of having a partner around may turn out to be less exciting than staying alone, in the sense that the excitement could fade away after some time, such that you both become bored of each other, or unable to continue with the same energy you had before you moved in together.
Even after moving in together, you might find it difficult to squeeze out time from your personal schedule to be intimate with each other.
At times, it is because people get too comfortable in the relationship, seeing each other in the more frequently, that they begin to neglect the extra effort that they put to keep the relationship going
Sometimes, when they spend more time with each other, they run out of ideas to keep each other interested or simply get bored with doing the same thing over and over again.
Therefore, you would have to discuss it before moving together, a way to find time out of your busy schedule to be intimate with each other, and retain the same excitement you had before moving in together.
Now that you are going to share your apartment with your partner, you could include pet into your discussion, if either of you is interested in having them in your place.
You should put into consideration that some partners might not want to have pets around because they could be allergic to them.
Therefore, you’d have to find out from them before you move in together, what they feel about you bringing your pet along to your new place.
9. PERSONAL NEEDS
While you discuss your relationship needs when you are moving in together, you also have to put in mind your personal needs.
Although there’s pleasure in doing things together when you are in a relationship, some time to yourself is still needed.
There could be times that you may need to complete certain tasks with minimal distractions
Some private time to yourself could be required to meditate, organize yourself, think about an idea, or for specific tasks like work, study.
Having a partner around, it could be difficult to do these things without feeling distracted.
Also, you might have your own specific diet plan or time that you sleep
You should make known to your partner the importance of these your personal needs.
10. RELATIONSHIP GOALS
As a couple, do your goals align?
Do both of you want the same thing when it comes to your relationship.
It could be a bit difficult staying together with someone who wants to keep it casual, whereas you want a committed relationship.
Are they simply going to be a distraction or work with you to meet your desired goals?
If you and your partner are unable to communicate effectively, it could mount a lot of strain on the two of you if you decide to move in together.
It is important to fix the communication problems in your relationship before you move in together with each other.
Misunderstandings as a result of poor communication between your partner and you could be the cause of constant arguments, and if you had to share an apartment with this problem of communication, then you might argue more frequently than before.
It could be helpful to talk about your communication problems before you move in to together, and for you find solutions to them.
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Moving in together might not be rosy as it seems, it could present with some challenges that you may have to overcome as a couple to ensure your relationship continues.
Before you get set to live together, you would have to prepare your minds and talk it through, as well as find solutions to the problems that could come up.
It is also important to develop a proper mindset about living together.
If done with the right intentions, it signifies your investment as a couple and shows how willing you are in taking the relationship to the next step, and who knows, the relationship might just lead to marriage.