Marriage is not always an easy task.
Along the way, there would always be some challenges in a marriage.
It is wise to prepare yourself ahead of those challenges, and together with your partner, find helpful solutions as early as possible.
Discussing marriage with your partner is an important first step, at least as the relationship becomes a long-term thing.
Talking about marriage
When you have the marriage talk with your boyfriend, it lets you know where the relationship is heading, it gives you an idea of whether you’re on the same page with your partner, and it brings to your attention their expectations of marriage.
Your discussions can help both of you to assess whether you are right for each other.
It also allows you to address any unrealistic expectations they have about marriage before it’s too late.
When he avoids the marriage talk
It could be a disturbing signal if you find out that whenever you bring up the topic of marriage to your boyfriend, he gets defensive or avoids the topic entirely.
If you are wondering why he’s avoiding the marriage talk with you, there may or may not be a significant reason why he avoids talking about marriage when you try to bring it up.
However, for this post, we’ve come up with a pretty convincing list of reasons why a guy might avoid the marriage talk.
Here is a list of possible reasons:
Why your boyfriend avoids talking about marriage
1. He’s not sure if he’s in love with you
Feelings are always a strong factor to consider before marriage. Happy marriages are built on a foundation of love.
Love is the fuel necessary to sustain the marriage. Imagine having to spend the rest of your life with someone who you have no strong feelings for or having to pretend that you love them.
If there is any doubt about his feelings for you, or he doesn’t feel convinced that the relationship is as solid as you think it is, it could make him uninterested in marriage or avoid discussing marriage.
You may have to address this feeling about your relationship at least before you can start talking about marriage.
2. You disagree on the important stuff
Building a lasting relationship in a marriage with a partner is based off on more than just love, there are certain things you have to agree on, and even if you disagree on those issues, then compromises would have to be made.
If one person’s goals do not align with the other person’s personal goals, or when you can’t seem to agree on the particular relationship goals that you want to set, then maybe that could be a problem for your partner. It could be about careers, finances, your relationships with others, and many more
When your values are far apart or when you seem to always disagree on the important stuff, and you don’t seem to be able to find a middle ground or no one is willing to compromise, that could strain the relationship as well.
If what you want in the relationship is different from what he wants, it might the reason why he avoids talking about marriage with you.
3. You fight too often
Maybe you can’t just seem to stop arguing with each other and are constantly fighting.
The relationship isn’t stable as you are constantly ‘on and off’ your relationship, taking breaks and giving each other space when you are unable to work things out, or only coming back when you need something from each other.
Though there’s a healthy amount of arguments in a relationship, some arguments might just be unbearable to a partner who wants a stable relationship.
And if you are already fighting a lot in your relationship; chances are that if you don’t learn to tolerate each other, then you might argue even more when you get married.
Your partner might want a marriage that is as stable as possible, and not one constant bickering, arguments, and fighting when the marriage begins.
Both of you may have to settle your differences in the most healthy way possible.
4. He’s not ready
We don’t talk about the challenges in marriages so often and maybe that’s why so many people end up getting incomplete information about married life.
Marriage is a big deal. There’s a lot of mental and emotional preparedness one has to go through before they get married.
It doesn’t only need love to sustain a marriage, it needs more. You’d have to be ready because once you agree to be together, you realize marriage is a whole lot different from dating.
Marriage requires maturity, Consistency, Commitment, and a lot of work.
Marriages are also full of compromises. When you agree to spend the rest of life with someone, you have to factor them in any of your decision, and the truth is that it’s not that easy as we think it is. Your boyfriend might not ready to make those compromises yet
Maybe, he might be focused on his career and doesn’t want anything too serious. He might want to get his finances intact; he might want a stable job or apartment before he decides to get married.
Whatever his reasons are, just know that marriage is a decision that he has to make willingly.
5. He wants to meet other people before he settles
We also have to consider some people who feel it’s too early to settle down in a long-term commitment like marriage, not out of being financially unstable, unemployed, or career-focused.
He might not be satisfied with the relationship he has with you or he may want to explore some more options before he settles down. Perhaps he wants to date other people before he goes ahead to get married.
You have to ask yourself what you want, and if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t consider you like a priority, then you should realize your self-worth and perhaps move on.
6. He just doesn’t know you well enough
You get to realize several things about your partner as you spend more time with them, perhaps an attitude that you don’t like or values that you don’t agree with, sometimes, these things don’t really become apparent until when you’re married.
For some people, they take their time getting to know their partners properly often as a precautionary measure before they proceed with getting married.
If he feels like he doesn’t know you well enough, or the relationship is still starting, then he may choose to skip the talks about getting married, perhaps to avoid giving you any impression about marriage, until he is certain that the both of you are compatible.
Your boyfriend may feel that you both need to trust each other more before you get married, or he wants to be convinced that you are the right one for him, and while you’re still in the dating phase of your relationship, he is carefully checking to see whether the both of you are compatible for a long term relationship together.
7. He might be scared of marriage
Some people are quite anxious about getting married. The number of marriages that fail isn’t helping either.
A lot of divorces end up being messy and partners who once loved each other begin to hate each other when they separate.
It’s quite scary how the love between two people who had seemed so inseparable from each other transforms into resentment, and especially for those considering pursuing a long-term relationship, things like this could make them reluctant.
Your boyfriend might have known someone who had gone through a really messy divorce, and the idea that could be in the same position may cause him to have some reservations.
If your partner has observed the decline of the marriage of a couple he looked up to, and the resentment that grew both sides, the idea of marriage might no longer seem appealing to him.
The fear that even if he tried, he might not be able to meet the expectations of his partner could make him scared of marriage
The truth is that marriages aren’t always that gloomy, and as we talk so often about the divorce rates, we should as well celebrate the marriages that stood the test of time.
8. You are talking about the wedding and not the marriage
A lot of people focus too much on talking about how the wedding should be that they don’t remember to talk about other parts of the marriage.
Weddings are beautiful, and we often get carried away by the thought of having a beautiful wedding ceremony.
But we must remember that the wedding and marriage are two different things. While the wedding ceremony makes up that special day when the both of you get married, the marriage includes the wedding and what happens afterward. (The challenges inclusive)
It’s alright to want a big fancy wedding with your boyfriend, but if that’s the only thing you seem to be interested in talking about, then you might not get the response you are looking for
Questions like where do we stay or how do we get our finances in order are often replaced by lengthy conversations about the proposal, the guest list, the cake tastings, the venue, or other things relating to the wedding day.
Sometimes we seem to exhaust all conversations on the wedding day without talking about anything about the marriage in particular.
Have you talked about each other’s personal goals or tried to talk about what you want from a marriage with them or are you simply interested in an elegant wedding?
Try to bring up a different topic and maybe you’d get a reaction from them on that.
As you focus on having a conversation about marriage with your partner, you should as well pay attention to the signals.
Someone who is ready for a long-term relationship would be caring and supportive.
Don’t assume that you’re both on the same page because you’ve had several discussions about marriage.